It is commendable
that you should want to get rid of an almost
universal human failing like `anger'. Mostly people
who get angry try to justify their anger rather than
changing it. We also appreciate the sincerity and the
objectivity with which you have described your
condition. These are all sure signs that you can
definitely control and master anger and, though it
may be difficult and may take some time, you will
surely find a lasting and satisfying solution.
The First
Step
Here is an excerpt
from a letter of Sri Aurobindo to someone who was
facing a similar problem, it could be of help to you:
"If you
give expression to anger, you prolong or confirm
the habit of the recurrence of anger; you do not
diminish or get rid of the habit. The very first
step towards weakening the power of anger in the
nature and afterwards getting rid of it
altogether is to refuse all expression to it in
act or speech. Afterwards one can go on with more
likelihood of success to throw it out from the
thought and feeling also."
The important first
step, you will notice, is to refuse to speak or act
when one is angry. You must take a resolution that
you will not to speak or act as long as the anger
possesses you. For this a few practical things could
be useful: you can try to breathe slowly and deeply,
to go away from the spot if possible, or shut your
eyes and cut yourself from all that disturbs you. You
can repeat to yourself that you refuse to get angry.
There are several other ways also. You must find the
ones most suitable to you. Even if the results are
not immediately visible, you must not get discouraged
but persevere.
It would also help
if you could understand a little more the causes of
anger. The Mother says that basicaly,
"Anger is
a violent reaction of the vital to some shock
that is unpleasant to it;" .
When something
unpleasant happens around you, if you react to it and
express your anger -- it hurts others. If you
suppress it - it hurts you. So the solution is to
transform it. Anger has tremendous energy. This
energy can be channelised into something useful like
-- washing and cleaning the whole house, playing
music on an instrument, jogging on the spot,
gardening etc. As the anger burns out -- a good job
is done! Try to avoid interacting with people at that
time.
How to
Control and Master Anger
An important point
to realise is that the anger is neither within you
nor is it a part of yourself. It is something foreign,
an outside vibration, which finds an entry into you
because something in you responds to it. The Mother
has explained this beautifully:
"If you
have a serious difficulty in your character, for
example, the habit of losing your temper, and you
decide: `I must not get angry again', it is very
difficult. But if on the other hand, you tell
yourself: `Anger is something which circulates
through the whole World, it is not in me, it
belongs to everybody; it wanders about here and
there and if I close my door, it will not enter',
it is much more easy. If you think: `It is my
character, I am born like that', it becomes
almost impossible. It is true there is something
in your character which answers to this force of
anger. All movements, all vibrations are general
-- they enter, they go out, they move about --
but they rush upon you and enter into you only to
the extent you leave the door in you open. And if
you have, besides, some affinity with these
forces, you may get angry without even knowing
why. Everything is everywhere and it is arbitrary
to draw limits."
Here are two
excerpts from the letters of Sri Aurobindo which will
help you in detaching yourself from the anger and
then controlling and mastering it.
(i) "Look
at it and see how trifling is the occasion of the
rising of this anger and its outburst -- it
becomes more and more causeless -- and the
absurdity of such movements itself. It would not
really be difficult to get rid of it if, when it
comes, you looked at it calmly -- for it is
perfectly possible to stand back in one part of
the being, observing in a detached equanimity
even while the anger rises on the surface -- as
if it were someone else in your being who had the
anger. The difficulty is that you get alarmed and
upset and that makes it easier for the thing to
get hold of your mind which it should not do".
(ii) "Your
method of taking them as your own is again a
wrong method; for by doing that you increase
their power to recur and take hold of you. If
your take them as your own, that gives them a
kind of right to be there. If you feel them as
not your own, then they have no right, and the
will can develop more power to send them away.
What you must always have and feel as yours is
this will, the power to refuse assent, to refuse
admission to a wrong movement. Or if it comes in,
the power to send it away, without expressing it".
A Practical
Suggestion
Here is another
suggestion from the Mother which is very practical
and which you could try with benefit:
"If one
takes as an absolute discipline, instead of
acting or speaking (because speech is an action),
instead of acting under the impulse, if one
withdraws and then does as I said, one sits down
quietly, concentrates and then looks at this
anger quietly, one writes it down, when one has
finished writing, it is gone -- in any case, most
often ... one should always do this, when he
feels that he is caught by an impulse of some
kind or other, particularly impulses of anger."
What we have said
above are steps to be taken when one is angry or when
one feels the anger approaching. But the true
solution lies in going within and finding that part
in oneself, the divine spark, the Psychic Being,
which no anger or wrong movements can touch; or by
bringing down the peace and the light from above so
that all these movements are transformed permanently.
